Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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