As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
