No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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