Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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