In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
