I haven't been this sober since birth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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