omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
