you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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