Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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