Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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