I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
