oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
