last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
