Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
