my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
