god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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