I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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