i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
