I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Randomize
