cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
