At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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