just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
