Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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