Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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