so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
