im gay
i know
yea but for you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
