Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
