that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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