I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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