By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
