Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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