And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
