i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
