considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
