If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
