I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
