Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize