it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
