When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
