Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
