I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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