If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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