He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
