I was born with a shot glass in my hand
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
