just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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