i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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