Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
