College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
