Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The dick lei will go down in squad history
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
