My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
