you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How external is "for external use only"?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
