Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
