Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The adults are the big ones right?
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