i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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