We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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