Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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