Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
