people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
is that a dick in a sweater?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
