apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
