If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
