This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
