if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
