There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
