I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I AM VODKA MAN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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