all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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