I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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