I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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