I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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