and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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