I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
