Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
even my farts smell like vagina
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
