She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was CRYING into my vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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