i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
