Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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