i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
