You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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