She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
