omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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