So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
