Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will be naked everywhere
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
