Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
