I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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