Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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